Set yourself up for success

I was recently asked, what should a person do to become successful, here’s what I answered:

The first thing one must do to be successful, Is to define what success is. For each of us success might mean something a little different, or a lot different. Many people go through life not knowing what the rules of the game are, yet they expect to succeed. Don’t be one of them. 

Define clearly what is required for you to feel successful. Success is mostly a feeling, it’s based on a system of rules we have in our head, which tell us when we can feel successful. Go over your rules list. Ask yourself, do these rules make sense? (if you have a rule that says that in order to feel successful you must rescue 1000 people and walk on the moon, you might deny yourself of that wonderful feeling).

 Decide on ways you could feel successful along the way, by making simple actions that get you further ahead, making small achievements will make you feel happier and more confident along the way. No sense in waiting four years for you to graduate, or until you finally find the cure for diabetes, give yourself credit for all the wonderful things you do right now, choose to appreciate yourself, and acknowledge your effort as well as your progress. Stop telling yourself “when I’ll have this, I’ll be happy/successful”. Set yourself up for small successes, and eventually you’ll be surprised by the progress you’ve made.

Are you ready to become successful, it starts with a small step, a small shift in your mind, take that step and follow me!

Everything is awesome!

It’s been a few days since the last time I posted. I’ve recently came back to Israel after a long trip in Germany, and I’m having a little bit of fun before setting up my ‘roots’.
I just finished watching the recent LEGO movie, and I must admit that though I was reluctant to see it, thinking it might be just another children’s movie, I really liked it and highly recommend watching it.
Stay with me, it’s not just a movie review…
The LEGO movie begins with Emmett, just the most ordinary Lego construction worker man. Emmett wakes up in the morning, and follows his instruction manual, he says “good morning city”, brushes his teeth, takes a shower, goes to work, watches “where are my pants?” On TV and sings the popular song “everything is awesome” along with all other law abiding LEGO city citizens. Little did Emmett know, that he is designated by a prophecy, told by a black Gandolf wannabe, to save the entire LEGO universe, because he is “the special one”.
The movie can be a bit corny “like a cat poster”, but it has a lot of insight as well as criticism for our brainwashed society. For those who still want to watch it, I don’t want to give any spoilers. However, the movie goes out against our tendency to follow the rules blindly without any original thought. Too often I see and meet people constrained by what they have been told by others, and worse by themselves, about what they can of cannot do. Often this leads to stagnation, unrealised potential and general unfulfillment. The problem is when people are unfulfilled or unsatisfied, they’re not necessarily in enough pain to make a change, so they get stuck. Stuck in a boring job, working on someone else’s dream. Stuck in an unhealthy relationship, keeping themselves and their partner unhappy. They might be stuck with unhealthy habits of overeating, malnutrition, smoking, drinking or depression. The thing is, as the movie suggests, we’re all special, we can all build and craft amazing things, if we allow ourselves, and overcome our fears. In order to do so, we need to realise what we truly want in life, and be honest with ourselves regarding where we actually are, and how we actually are.
We need to stop listening to what others told us, and we must repeat what is true “the past does not equal the future” (Tony Robbins). Sure, if you keep using the same strategies over and over again, don’t expect different results, that would be insanity. However, don’t dismiss challenges to change your life for the better with “it’s never going to work”, “what’s the use in trying”. Rather ask yourself: “have I really got something to lose?”, “Is my life, the way I’m living them today, what I deserve?”
If you decided that you deserve more, but still feel insecure about actually achieving what you yearn for, start challenging yourself, pick something you’re scared to do but shouldn’t, something for which the fear is mostly in your head, and set yourself up with a challenge to go and do it, make it specific and set a deadline. Go live YOUR LIFE, instead of living it for others, or your fears. Eventually, everything can be awesome, and you’re special, but only if you believe and only if you dare to OWN it!

We’re off to see the wizard!

It’s all about the journey,  and the friends we meet along the way

Often in life, we feel incomplete, unfulfilled, and scared. In these situations, we often look for the great, wise powerful wizard, someone or something that will help us feel a certain way, that would get us to the place we call home, a place which is like no other, where we will have feelings of safety, joy, passion…

The thing we often don’t realize, is that this so called wizard, is just another human being, just like the rest of us, hidden behind a mask, behind smoke and mirrors. often, it is a deception  of our own creation. This wizard, is not necessarily a person we go to for wisdom. Sometimes, it’s just a goal we set for ourselves, imagining that once we’ve achieved it, we will get to our desired destination, to those feelings we so desperately seek. 

What we should realize at these times, is that it’s the journey we go through, the people we meet, and the different parts of ourselves we discover, which are really the secret to unlocking the desired feelings. It is through understanding of ourselves, and empowerment of the different pieces of our unique puzzle, which can enable us to reach our true feeling of home.

What do I mean by different parts ourselves? Well, one of these parts could be our intuition, the scrawny scarecrow which will give us the insight and understanding we need to approach a difficult situation. It could also be that it’s our hearts that we need to get back in touch with. that part in each of us, which will help us find the secret to what really brings us joy. It’s the one which will allow us to connect better with others, or show ourselves the love we need in order to grow and be truly fulfilled.

In some situations we need the courage, the audacity, to go ahead and just grab the future we deserve and turning a deaf ear to the people and thoughts that are just holding us back. Some areas are darker, more carnal and physical, representing our senses, body or sexuality. Without giving these parts of ourselves the room and energy they need to grow, we might get stuck. On the long and winding yellow brick road, we might fall asleep in the poppy fields of stagnation and doubt, or even fall to illness and misery under the tyranny of sides of ourselves which initially mean well, in their attempt to control and protect us.

For me the war with the tyrannic witch is almost over, after I took the effort to understand that basically she’s just another piece of myself, doing her best to do me good. She did it through vehicles which are no longer relevant, but were initially there to serve and protect me. Today, with each step I empower another part of myself, I’ve learnt to serve myself with better vehicles,  and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.

Growing up, and even years later, I always felt broken, unrepairable, flawed. I felt I was different from others and couldn’t achieve the happiness I saw in other people. By shedding light on the different parts of my being, exploring and experimenting with each, I finally felt whole, as if all the pieces came together and fixed my being. After letting go of all the pain, guilt and fear, I decided I don’t wish anyone else who might feel as I have, to go on feeling this way. 

If you would join me on the yellow brick road, I could help you understand yourself better and empower those parts of you, which needs extra love and care, see the different shapes which assemble your core, and help you with the tasks which will make you grow stronger and reach the next stage of your journey, it’s time to go home!

Are we the victims of our brains?

I have fond memories of robin Williams from several movies I watched growing up. He was a master of making others smile and laugh. I did not follow his life and career the past several years, and hearing about his suicide created quite a mental dissonance for me. How can a man so devoted to laughter and humour decide to end his life in such a way? Reading up on it, I found out that it came as a surprise, though Williams was unhappy quite often.

Now suicide is a very serious topic, and very complex. So I’ll focus on depression and unhappiness. Depression, in the clinical sense comes as a result of a chemical imbalance in the brain. So many believe that they are victims of their brain’s chemistry and are helpless to change it without medication.

I suppose for extreme situation that might be true, but I’m wondering if the psychiatrist’s hand might be too quick in giving prescriptions and diagnoses. You see I believe that often when people suffer from ‘depression’ in today’s society, they’re simply unhappy. And those who become suicidal either can’t imagine a future which is better, or have a limiting belief that causes them to have certainty that a better future isn’t even possible…

My issue with clinical diagnosis, is I believe they often make people feel helpless or incapable to influence their state, which might bring more suffering. People would tell themselves “I’m in pain and it’s out of my control, I must rely on these pills”, or “it’s my brain that’s at fault, nothing I can do about it, it’s just the way I’m wired”. The problem with these sort of thoughts is that they encourage a ‘fixed mindset’ (I explained the difference between fixed and growth mindsets here)

When people are in pain, and they believe they’re not in control and can’t change it, they suffer, and get stuck in a very dangerous situation, which can lead to very destructive choices and behaviour. It also gets people into paralysis from which they stop taking responsibility for their actions. Some people, for example, following a head trauma, experience difficulty controlling their temper. In this situation, if the doctor comes and tells them that they have a medical condition due to their injury, they might be inclined to ‘blame’ their decisions on their ‘condition’. As long as you don’t take responsibility over your actions, it’s unlikely that you change your behaviour and grow.

So now is the time to ask yourself, “who is in control of me? Is it my brain’s chemistry and physiology? Or do I choose to take responsibility over my life, and overcome my body’s  predisposition for illness?”

On another note, depression, as I mentioned often has to do with the person’s image of the future. When a person has a compelling future, which he/she believes could come true, it’s more likely they will employ the tools available to them to pursue happiness. Do you have something you look forward to? Something that gets you excited, or in a hopeful, peaceful or loving state? If not, it might be time to start picturing it, envisioning it, and acting on it. If you have a picture in mind, but aren’t acting on it, you might be stuck due to fear, what are you afraid of? What could be more terrible than not living your life to the fullest of its potential?

Take responsibility for your life! If you believe you need medication, take them, but only as part of your strategy, those pills aren’t magical! Pills can only improve your game, but you have to focus on the ball, and practice swinging the bat!